Chapter Endings

Chapter Endings

Hi I’m Jade, let me tell you what’s going on. It was one of my last summer days, right before my first day college. It wasn’t anything special, it was just a normal day-- hot sunny and a few clouds floating around. I decided to use this day to see my friend Michael. Michael is my best friend since day one of high school. He’s been with me through everything, well almost everything. Michael and I have not been as close recently. He’s been working and I understand that, but he’s also just not been telling me things anymore. We used to tell each other everything, and I mean

. He was the only person I could trust. His opinion was the only one that would matter to me, the only person I would listen to. So I took that day as an opportunity to see him and get more in touch before college. I could not lose my closest friend to college, especially when we are so close with one another.

I wanted us to spend time together like we used to. So I decided to ask him if he wanted to go on a walk, walks are the only way that we could talk. We would always say yes to walks no matter when or for how long. That’s the thing we could both count on. So I texted Michael.

“ Hey Michael, I haven't seen you in, what feels like forever. I was wondering if you wanted to go on a walk like we used to?”

“ Hi Jade, sure we can go on a walk, but only for a little bit.”

“ Great! Do you want to go now? We can meet at my house.”

“ I can’t now. I will be there at 1.”

“ Ok great.” I turned off my phone and started to get ready, since now I actually had the time to do so.

He said we could go on a walk and talk soon. This made me a little nervous. I haven’t talked to Michael in awhile, I hope that nothing has changed too much. So at 1 Michael got to my house. I forgot how much I missed him. I was so excited to finally see him again and be able to talk to him. Oh, I can’t wait to tell him about everything that was going on. I can’t wait for us to talk and walk just like how we used to whenever we wanted to or needed to. I was so happy I couldn’t contain it I was ready to sprint out and give him the biggest hug I could possibly give him.

“ Hey Michael!”

“ Hi Jade, are you ready to walk.” He said in a monotone expression.

“ Ya lets go!”

I went in for my humongous hug, but he started to walk. He has never not given me a hug before. I thought he might have just wanted to start walking so I didn’t say anything. It was silent for a little bit. We didn’t say anything, we just walked and walked. It was silent you could only hear our breathing out of sync with one another's, the bees buzzing around our ears and the wind in the trees shaking of all the trees and acorns of of them. Silent. I hate silence, especially when I’m with someone. We used to never not have something to talk about, we would always be talking. But now, silent. Dead silent. I can’t stand it. I had to at least try and start a conversation.

“ So Michael, are you excited for college?”

“ Ya.”

“ So… how has your summer been going.”

“ It’s fine.”

“ Ok, what do you want to talk about?”

“ Can you just not talk for a little bit. Like for once say nothing.” He said this was a harsh and raspy tone, as if trying to yell in a quiet tone would make it hurt less.

“ Fine.”

Michael has never snapped at me like that before. Never. Why won’t he talk to me, he’s not telling me anything. Oh I don't know what to do.

“ Michael, why won’t you tell me anything or talk to me?”

“ Because Jade we haven't seen each other in a while and now you’re asking so many questions all at once. It’s annoying me.”

“ Well then why did you come on a walk with me if I annoy you that much?” I said trying not to cry or yell.

“ Because, Jade, I wanted to see you before school, and you asked so I didn’t want to be rude and say no.” He said in a quick snap.

“ Well when do you want to talk?”

“ Not now, give me a little bit.”

“ Ok then.” I said in my sarcastic voice.

We walked in silence for what felt like hours. It was as each every step I took lost its sound more and more. The longer we walked, the more it hurt. It felt like a million little rocks were being thrown at me, not damaging, but momentarily stinging. I could just feel us getting farther away from each other, even as our feet would walk insync with each other. Our minds and thoughts seemed to be running away from each other. I kept walking-- first next to him, but then as I would think, I would slow down and soon I was what felt like miles and miles away from him. I stopped. All of a sudden I was going down a spiral--left reality thinking about all my worries.

“ Jade, Jade!” He yelled trying to get me out of my daze.

“ What? Oh ya Michael.” I said still only half focusing to the conversation.

“ I’m ready to talk.”

“ Ok, what do you want to talk about?”

“ I don’t know.”

“ Well that is not helpful.”

“ Well I don’t know what you want me to say Jade. I don’t want to talk with you about anything. It doesn’t involve you so there is no need to tell you.”

“ I don’t care if it involves me, you used to tell me everything that happened with you.”

“ Ya used to, things don’t stay the same forever.”

“ Do you want me to leave then…” I said hoping he would say he never wanted me to leave.

“ I never said that.”

“ Well you are making it seem like that.” I said getting irritated.

“ Fine. What are you thinking about college?”

“ Just thinking about how we have to start a brand new chapter.”

“ Ya I get what you mean, everything is changing and we have to make new decisions.”

“ What decisions are you scared to make?”

“ Everything. If you make one bad move it could change the setup for your life.”

“ Why are you so scared about it?” I said thinking I could help him get through whatever it was.

“ I’m not! I never said. Jesus, why do you ask so many questions, you’re twisting my words!” He shouted and turned to run.

“Michael!” He couldn’t hear me, he stormed away so fast by the time I said this he was halfway across the park.

He left, he actually walked away. How could he do that? All I wanted was to have a conversation. I walked a little farther down thinking about what just happened. I walked staring down at my feet trying to avoid the little wet mud puddles on the grass. As I walked I found a bench to sit on I looked up. Michael was sitting on the other side of the park on a bench, he had his headphones on. I could tell I made him mad. He just sat there, staring off, looking at a tree, with a look of sadness-- like a puppy when his toy is taken away. I felt so bad but I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to go and talked to him and fix things right there and then. Yet I couldn’t; something told me to wait. So I put on my headphones and started playing my sad playlist. And as I sat there, I looked at a tree. The leaves slowly started falling off one by one, the wind blowing the branches back and forth. And then a squirrel ran across stopped to get an acorn and just kept going. I decided to walk where it was going. I just kept walking and walking, right to the base of a tree. In fact the same tree Michael and I crashed into while he was teaching me to ride a skateboard. I decided I gave Michael a little bit of time to cool down. After a few in what seemed to be hours but only minutes I walked over to him.

“ Michael?” I said trying not to irritate him even more than I already have.

“ Yes Jade?” In still a semi annoyed whisper.

“ What happened, why don’t you talk to me anymore?”

“ Because, Jade, things change. People grow apart, things just changed, we are going to college everything is changing.” He said in not an irritated tone, but relieved one.

“ Ya I get it, but you can still talk to me about it.” I tried to say without sounding condescending.

“But I don’t want to.”

“ But why?”

“ Because, Jade, we are eventually gonna change and grow apart, so it might as well start now.”

“ But it doesn’t mean it has to be now. If you need help just talk to me.”

“ I don’t want to Jade. You annoy me.” He said with most certainty.

“ But I didn’t before.”

“ Exactly

, but now you do. Get over it Jade, it’s not how it was before, things changed.” He wasn’t trying to be nice or sugar coat anything, his answers were now blunt and simple.

“ What things? Michael I don’t want to just stop talking to you.” I said trying to hold back the tears I could feel forming in the corner of my eyes. Which I’m pretty sure he could see.

“ But I need to stop talking to you.”

Then he left. He just left, he left me behind like a random tree in your rearview mirror. I couldn’t help but start to feel all choked up. I thought I was about to cry. I never like to cry, and not a lot of things make me cry. But this was doing it. I had Michael there for everything; he used to be there for me during everything. And now he’s gone out of nowhere. He just left, the one person I could always count on, the one person who would be there during all of the stuff I had going through in my life. And now he’s gone. I can’t hold all of this in, not now, not today. I took out my earbuds and put them back in and continued playing my music from before. I started walking, I didn’t know where to or when I was going to go home. All I know was that I needed to walk and get my thoughts and feelings in order. I started to tear up and I didn’t want people to see me like this. I walked a little farther as I felt my eyes start to fill up with tears and slowly starting to slide down onto my cheeks.

I found a bench, and I decided to sit down and take a break from walking. As I sat down and started to think about how I've just lost my best friend of 5 years. Gone. He was done with me and there was nothing I could do. I never know how to deal with when someone leaves. I looked at the ground and saw a squirrel. The squirrel was gathering for the winter. It looked up and saw me, it looked at me and I momentarily stopped crying and just focused on the squirrel. It put me at ease for a split second and I forgot why I was going down my dark spiral. But then the squirrel must have heard something and left. Just like they all do. Everyone gets tired of me, and eventually leaves. They usually all do. When something or someone else newer or shinier comes around, I am forgotten about, done with. Ah, great ,now I’m crying. I hate crying. I turn off my music, wipe away my tears and try to calm myself down. After I calmed down I’m go home and relax and take a nice shower. I just focus on getting myself ready for college.

A few days later I start college. College was awkward; I ran into Michael a few times during the week. Each time I looked at him, I felt a rush of all sorts of emotions. I wanted to run over and yell at him, give him a hug, and cry in his arms all at once. And so I did what anyone would do, I held my head down and pretended he was not there.Oh, the things I would have said to him, I would have told him off, told him everything he made me feel, how he made me doubt myself. It took every ounce in my body to not say, touch, look, or even breathe towards Michael. But knowing me, I of course turned around. There was a sliver of me that was hoping he would turn around and wave or smile at me or something, anything. But of course he didn’t. And that sliver of hope was gone. He instead was busy focusing on the conversation he was having with his new friends. Ha it’s funny--what used to be his friends were my friends, it’s weird hearing it and saying ‘his friends’ not ‘ours,’ but his. It gets hard seeing someone you were close to around when they want nothing to do with you anymore. Even if it’s now someone whom you barely recognize any more.

Anyways, I had to start making college my own. Focusing on me and what I want to do. And how I want this year to play out. I can choose what I want to learn, where I want to work. I finally feel like a free person, that for once I can make my own decisions. I finally feel like I can actually be my full self and not have to worry about what others would think or about people who don’t care because its college who cares about that small stuff. Although, it still is hard to see him because when is not hard seeing someone that you used to be so close and care so much for not want anything to do with you. But sometimes there is just nothing you can do about it. You just have to move on and keep living your life meet new people and try new things even if that person you held close to your heart isn’t doing it with you. You just have to let it and them go and move on.